My Positive Relationship with Change

In the past, I have never really been one for change. It scares me and doesn't always motivate me in a good way.       Slowly, however, it seems my past unhealthy relationship with change is turning into a pretty good friendship!  I have thought long and hard about this (I have a lot of free thinking time on my hands.  This job in the corn fields really only requires my hands, not my brain.), and I have come to the conclusion that it all started with the tattoo. I got a tattoo on my foot (It hurt alot! But it is super adorable and says Grace/Psalm 63) the day after my 21st birthday.  From that day on, it seems my life has been different.  It may sound crazy, but I really think it all started then.  I got my tattoo because I wanted to, not as an act of rebellion (which it very easily could have been  a year or so earlier).  It is not something the "old" Anna would have ever done.  I still get the "I can't believe YOU actually got a tattoo" look regularly.  I think it was my first step out of my little box.  Then, I left home and moved far, far away to North Carolina.  At first, I decided to leave to prove myself to others...then it was because I wanted to prove something to myself.  Looking back, I think it was a bit of both.  I think deep down I knew I needed to do something that would challenge me and make me think.  Voluntarily Change.
God is so good, because He brought me here to the great state of NC.  I am 100% sure of this.  I don't even know all of the reasons yet, but I know that deciding to move was the best decision I have made in a long time.  I have learned so much about myself in the last month.  When I went to my best friend's wedding, my parents and boyfriend were insanely surprised at how different I was.  I didn't think I had changed that much in a month, but the more I think about it, the more I see what they were seeing.  I am more confident, more sure of myself, more outspoken (mostly in a good way!), more joyful, more enthusiastic about living and loving life.  I love my life.  I love being me.  I love where I am.  I love my God who has blessed me so richly.  I can honestly say that I have never been this ... content in my life.  I know who I am, and my identity is finally grounded in Christ.  I am learning about Jesus and the characteristics of my great Creator.  Everyday I am at work in the field, I see His handiwork.  I look in the mirror and actually like what I see.  I know what I want and I go after it.  I think that I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be.  And though I know I am far from perfect, I am pretty content to walk this path.  Striving to become the woman He wants me to be, the woman He created me to be.
I have learned that God has a bigger plan than what I can see.  This has been proven to me over and over the last month or so.  I am in awe of His sovereignty.   
I am so blessed to live with such godly, wonderful, funny people.  Kathleen and Keith teach me daily about real love and life and how to deal with different situations.  I am so thankful that they have welcomed me into their home.
I am still learning and I have a long way to go.  But I am now so excited about where God is leading me and where my life is headed.  I am excited to live each day.  Each moment teaches me something new.  I look forward to seeing His plan unfold! :)

Psalm 62

I have been really bad with doing  my Bible study lately. I have started letting other things become more important.  which is really quite silly.  You would think after the many, many times of falling behind, become anxious, realizing I just need some God time, and getting back on track that I would do better. False. Woot for human nature.  It's a grand thing that Jesus loves us.  And is gracious. And forgiving. And extends His love unconditionally.

So, I cracked my Bible today. (I really miss being in the Word...silly me)  Whenever I do this, I always tend to start with Psalm 63... because it is my favorite ever.  So I read it... and then Psalm 62 caught my eye:

My soul finds rest in God alone
      My salvation comes from Him
He alone is my rock and my salvation
He is my fortress
     I will never be shaken
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone
    My hope comes from Him
He alone is my rock and my salvation
He is my fortress
    I will not be shaken
My salvation and my honor depend on God
He is my mighty rock, my refuge

Trust in Him at all times
Pour out your hearts to Him
     For God is our refuge

It is so interesting to me how many times it is stated in this Psalm that GOD ALONE provides rest, salvation, protection, refuge, honor.... How often do we think we can handle things on our own?  How often do we get caught up in daily living and forget about our Savior?  How often do we try to satisfy these needs on our own?  It seems silly as we think about it, but we all are guilty.
After he lists all of these things that God is and does, he makes a simple statement:
Trust in God. Pour out your heart to Him.
I mean, look at all He has done.  Look at who He is.  Why would we withhold any part of our lives or our selves from him?  He already accepts us.  He already saves us.  All we have to do is Trust Him.  Let Him love us.  Share with him our fears, failures, joys...

He is my fortress... I will not be shaken

My Grand Adventure

I left my sleepy town on Wednesday afternoon, stayed with Magen in Indiana that night, and drove with Kathleen all the way to Garner, NC on Thursday.  I got all unpacked and settled in, and was surprisingly at ease. I was half expecting myself to freak out! I practiced my driving-in-the-big-city skills on Friday in a monsoon and didn't even get lost.  I got to visit a 4th grade classroom, which was so fun! It amazes me how much I can learn just by observing awesome teachers at work.  I also met my boss and some other people that I will be slaving away with.  I can't start for about 2 weeks after I finish all the paperwork on Tuesday, so that is a bummer money-wise.  However, it does mean I get a break! Which is rather awesome.  I am hoping to get some things accomplished, explore the area, and HOPEFULLY get to the beach! 

Kathleen and Keith are graciously letting me stay with them this summer, and are spoiling me so far! :) I plan on cleaning a lot for them to help out.  They are so sweet. As is Kathleen's baby bump... so cute! 

All in all...so far, so good! I am very glad I decided to come down here. I know that God had a hand in it, and I know that I will learn and grow! So excited for this adventure!!!

Church today was fabulous.  Colonial is a really awesome church, and the pastor is really interesting.  I learned a lot today... He has been preaching on James for the past year, and I am catching the tail end.  Today was chapter 5, verse 12 - about honesty.  "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no." Let your character speak for itself ... avoid adding empty oaths and promises you know you can't keep. 

.... and soon it will be lunch time... and maybe a nap. ;)

{yet another homework assignment}

(from Old Testament... We watched a sermon from Mark Driscoll on Song of Songs and were asked to respond about our experience with frank talk about sex in the church.  We were also asked if we thought talk about sex in church was a yes a no or a maybe.)

Sermon link:  http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess/let-him-kiss-me

My personal experience with frank talk about sex in the church is…absolutely none.  It was always treated as taboo and “hush hush.”  I think part of it had to do with my age, but I know that sex is treated as extremely private in my church.  I am not sure I have ever heard anyone in my church say “sex”, let alone talk about it.  When I was about 12, my parents led a Sunday School class about “preparing for adolescence.” That was basically my only experience with talking about sex that is related to the church.  Because it was so private, sex seemed almost like a negative thing.  I have always believed that I shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage, but when I started dating in high school, there were a lot of question marks and blanks left because the topic had never been addressed.  I feel like some of those blanks could have been filled in a little if my church family had been more willing to address the topic.  Also, I would have felt much less confusion, fear, and later, guilt if I had felt free to discuss sex and physical relationships. 

I definitely think there should be frank talk about sex in the church.  Sex is a healthy part of any marriage relationship, and I fully believe God created us to become one with our spouse in this way. It is important, especially for young people/couples, that sex is not treated as something that is bad or wrong.  Obviously, there is a time and a place to discuss sex within the church body.  Watching Mark Driscoll’s sermon on Song of Songs really got me thinking.  His sermon was not graphic or inappropriate.  It simply brought to light the fact that sex is a gift – not a god and not gross.  So often the church, whether on purpose or not, makes sex out to be gross or bad.  So many young people feel as though they cannot discuss sex or anything about their physical relationships with anyone.  I know so many young girls who are like I was – so naïve and so scared to mess up.  I also know women who are married that still struggle with feeling guilty and feeling like sex is a negative thing.  This is so tragic because as Christians we are supposed to reflect Christ.  Jesus would not brush this subject under the rug, so as the body of Christ, I think that we have a responsibility to young people to provide a safe haven – a place where talk about difficult topics is welcomed.  Young people and adults alike need to see that sex isn’t something to feel dirty or wrong about, but something that God created for us to enjoy within the context of marriage.

I think that addressing the entire church body, like Mark Driscoll does in his sermon series, is appropriate at times.  Other times, it is better to just create that safe atmosphere and foster trusting relationships.  Simply providing an environment that is free of judgment is so important.  Youth groups, smaller Sunday school classes, one on ones, and accountability partners are all ways that this topic can be approached.  Obviously you don’t want to start talking about sex in detail with every 10 year old in the church body.  However, it is important to be aware that our culture is extremely sex-saturated and that most people have a misled view of sex.  Most of our culture is so bent on immediate gratification and the desire for physical pleasure that they miss the fact that sex is a gift and that it is meant for marriage. There are others who are so turned off to sex because of the church, a negative experience, or the culture we live in that they also miss the fact that sex is a gift.  Neither of these situations is positive.  Perhaps the body of Christ should get away from inadvertently giving young people negative concepts about sex, and focus more on encouraging a Godly view on physical relationships.  

Changes

Recently, I've been thinking about how nothing ever works out you thought it would.  Everyone always says that God has a plan and that things will work out even better than you thought.  This is all true, but it's really not easy to believe when you are in the middle of it all.  Just when you think that you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, just when you think you have things figured out... Something happens.  Something changes.  And then you are back to struggling to stay above water.  It is exhausting to constantly be changing plans.  I, for one, am not the most adaptable person in the world.  I don't generally see change as a good thing.  I don't like it when my life shifts and things get confusing and complicated.  I like knowing that I have a plan.  Now, I'm not saying that I have everything figured out all the time.  I'm just saying that when I do finally have things figured out (and feel like God has me where He wants me) and things change - I get discouraged.  I get frustrated.  I start second guessing.
Like right now, for instance.  I am going through a ridiculous amount of change.  Most days I can handle each little wave as it comes.  But this week feels like I keep getting smacked by a giant tidal wave. In addition to some issues back home, normal school annoyances, and sickness, I really don't feel like GC is what it used to be anymore.  I chose this school because I felt like God wanted me here.  I felt at home; comfortable.  I love my program and my classes, but lately things have been changing in how the college is run.  I chose GC because they claimed to be different.  And they have been different. Up til now.  I used to know that I was more than a number - that the school really wanted what was best for me and was committed to what was best for me as a student.  It was one of the main reasons why I chose GC over other state universities.  Now I feel like all I am is a dollar sign.  There is no Christian character shown anymore in my opinion.  I know that everyone needs money - and the college does too.  However, I feel like there are more ways to accomplish this than to flat out tell students that they can't live anywhere but on their campus, not eat anything except their food, buy any books but theirs, etc. simply because they need money.  My personal financial hardship means nothing to this school anymore.  The fact that there are no more GPA standards means nothing to this school anymore.  The fact that they are ruining their Christian influence/witness seems to mean nothing to this school. I love this campus, and my program, and what GC claims to stand for.  I just don't feel proud to be graduating from a school whose main purpose seems to be sucking money from it's students no matter the situation.
So, this leaves me timidly looking for other schools to finish my Senior year at... Hopefully things work out and I can stay here at GC.  I really do want to finish here...but things are getting crazy!
Sorry for the rant, but I would appreciate your prayers.

Joy

"Joy means the perfect fulfillment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing." (Oswald Chambers)

I was reading My Utmost for His Highest, and Chambers brings to light a really interesting point.  He says, "We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them.  the saint never knows the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but BECAUSE of it."
You can't be a conqueror unless you go through the trial.  You can't win the war if you don't fight the battle. You don't learn the lesson if you don't go through that experience.  But once we conquer through Christ and come to realize His goal and purpose for us, we are able to take part in His JOY.

"In all things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us."

Our Lord loves us, and nothing can come in between that love and us.  Nothing we do can separate us; he will love us no matter what.  He loves us with an unending, unconditional love.   And because of that love we can know true joy through the fulfillment of His purpose for us.  As I think about the fact that my Savior loves me with a gracious, never ending love... and as I consider that He created me for a purpose so that I can share in His joy... I am in awe.

What a wonderful Savior!

oh the things we are challenged to think about in college

For my Old Testament class, I watched this sermon (I want to watch the entire series):

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/redeemingruth/gods-hand-in-our-redemption

We were also to read this article: http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/2009/august/16.22.html

It really got me thinking.  I had to write a response paper on the article, and I included that here.  I also am still mulling over somethings about the sermon involving "Religion vs. Redemption."  So, I will most likely get back to that on blogger eventually.... :)

Both the article and the sermon provided eye opening and thought provoking points.  The sermon brought to light the idea of marriage as a covenant and a consummation; the process of becoming one flesh.  There is a promise, a pledge, a covenant made.  It is sacred and holy.  When this covenant is consummated, man and woman become one.  It is really beautiful, and I really liked the way Pastor Mark Driscoll presented the marriage covenant interwoven with Ruth’s story of Redemption.  This marriage relationship can be related to God’s covenant relationship with his people.  He wanted to be one with his people, and they pledged and promised to love and obey him.  God’s people did not always remember their covenant however.  They were unfaithful.  It was sad and tragic because that covenant bond was meant to never be broken.  God is gracious, though, and redeemed his people.  He loved them anyways, and once they turned back to him, they were forgiven.  The story of Ruth is a story of redemption, as is our story as Christians.  When we break our covenant with God, it breaks his heart; but when we turn back to him, we are forgiven.  We are redeemed through Jesus Christ.  This relationship is a parallel and a model for Christian relationships and marriage.  This is the foundation that Christian marriage should be based on – the example of God’s love for and covenant with us. 

The article The Case for Early Marriage was very intriguing to me.  The author points out that there are many more Christian young women than men.  This makes waiting for the right spouse difficult, and can lead to a decision to compromise and have sex outside of marriage.   I think that our society and the church as a whole has put so much emphasis on sex and waiting for sex and staying pure and being a virgin that the actual beauty of sex and marriage are becoming lost in translation.  God created us to “be fruitful and multiply.”  He created marriage, and he made us have sexual desires to bring us closer together and to create new life.  Our society has made sex a fact of almost every “normal” relationship, but it has made marriage the last thing on anyone’s mind.  In relation to that, the church has made such a huge deal about waiting until marriage to have sex, that young couples’ focus is on sex, whether it be guilt from going too far or on making such a big effort to wait.  Instead of seeing marriage as a natural part of the Christian relationship, many young Christian couples are overwhelmed with the issue of sex.  Many marry so that they can experience guilt-free sex.  This whole way of thinking cheapens the marriage covenant and the idea of becoming one flesh. 

One thing that I found extremely interesting in this article was the idea that marriage is (can be) “formative,” meaning that one does not have to be this wholly formed person.  Individuals grow and couple grow closer as they experience life together; they become one.  This is something completely foreign to me because it is the opposite of what I always thought growing up.  I agree with this idea because God wants us to have that marriage covenant.  How can we really become one person if we are two completely whole individuals?  I am still developing my ideas about this one.

What is the point of all of this?  Well, as the author points out, the trend in both the church and in society as a whole is to get married much later.  For Christian couples who have decided to wait until marriage, this means that they are putting off the natural desire for sex even longer.  This alone is definitely not a reason to get married earlier, but it is something to think about.  Getting married young is not a bad thing, and it can be really healthy if entered into with the right mindset. 

The author mentioned five reasons that marrying young can be dangerous.  They are as follows:

1.       Economic insecurity

2.       Immaturity

3.       A poor match

4.       Marrying for sex

5.       Unrealistic expectations

Personally, I think that all of these reasons could lead to a failed marriage at any age.  However, I would have to say that young marriages could struggle the most with a poor match due to a shorter search or with unrealistic expectations.  Jumping into marriage too soon is always dangerous, but can be especially detrimental at a young age.  Unrealistic expectations are also more prevalent at a young age because many young people think their lives will pan out just as planned.  This never happens and can be very disappointing and stressful in a marriage. 

“Christians need to get real about marriage: it's a covenant helpmate thing that suffers from too much idealism and too little realism,” the author says.  Waiting for years to be sure you are marrying the right person does not ensure a perfect marriage.  Waiting for sex until marriage does not promise a great sex life with no difficulties.  Getting married later in life does not mean that you are any more ‘ready’ to be married.  Marriage is a covenant.  Marriage is hard work.  It is not ideal.  It is a real thing that requires commitment and understanding.  The church may need to reconsider its approach to young people about sex and marriage.  Chastity is a good and beautiful thing, as is marriage.  But shouldn’t the focus be on the covenant of marriage, rather than on sex outside of marriage?  Doesn’t that misguided focus just lead to an inaccurate picture of what “becoming one” really means?