Recently, I've been thinking about how nothing ever works out you thought it would. Everyone always says that God has a plan and that things will work out even better than you thought. This is all true, but it's really not easy to believe when you are in the middle of it all. Just when you think that you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, just when you think you have things figured out... Something happens. Something changes. And then you are back to struggling to stay above water. It is exhausting to constantly be changing plans. I, for one, am not the most adaptable person in the world. I don't generally see change as a good thing. I don't like it when my life shifts and things get confusing and complicated. I like knowing that I have a plan. Now, I'm not saying that I have everything figured out all the time. I'm just saying that when I do finally have things figured out (and feel like God has me where He wants me) and things change - I get discouraged. I get frustrated. I start second guessing.
Like right now, for instance. I am going through a ridiculous amount of change. Most days I can handle each little wave as it comes. But this week feels like I keep getting smacked by a giant tidal wave. In addition to some issues back home, normal school annoyances, and sickness, I really don't feel like GC is what it used to be anymore. I chose this school because I felt like God wanted me here. I felt at home; comfortable. I love my program and my classes, but lately things have been changing in how the college is run. I chose GC because they claimed to be different. And they have been different. Up til now. I used to know that I was more than a number - that the school really wanted what was best for me and was committed to what was best for me as a student. It was one of the main reasons why I chose GC over other state universities. Now I feel like all I am is a dollar sign. There is no Christian character shown anymore in my opinion. I know that everyone needs money - and the college does too. However, I feel like there are more ways to accomplish this than to flat out tell students that they can't live anywhere but on their campus, not eat anything except their food, buy any books but theirs, etc. simply because they need money. My personal financial hardship means nothing to this school anymore. The fact that there are no more GPA standards means nothing to this school anymore. The fact that they are ruining their Christian influence/witness seems to mean nothing to this school. I love this campus, and my program, and what GC claims to stand for. I just don't feel proud to be graduating from a school whose main purpose seems to be sucking money from it's students no matter the situation.
So, this leaves me timidly looking for other schools to finish my Senior year at... Hopefully things work out and I can stay here at GC. I really do want to finish here...but things are getting crazy!
Sorry for the rant, but I would appreciate your prayers.