In the past, I have never really been one for change. It scares me and doesn't always motivate me in a good way. Slowly, however, it seems my past unhealthy relationship with change is turning into a pretty good friendship! I have thought long and hard about this (I have a lot of free thinking time on my hands. This job in the corn fields really only requires my hands, not my brain.), and I have come to the conclusion that it all started with the tattoo. I got a tattoo on my foot (It hurt alot! But it is super adorable and says Grace/Psalm 63) the day after my 21st birthday. From that day on, it seems my life has been different. It may sound crazy, but I really think it all started then. I got my tattoo because I wanted to, not as an act of rebellion (which it very easily could have been a year or so earlier). It is not something the "old" Anna would have ever done. I still get the "I can't believe YOU actually got a tattoo" look regularly. I think it was my first step out of my little box. Then, I left home and moved far, far away to North Carolina. At first, I decided to leave to prove myself to others...then it was because I wanted to prove something to myself. Looking back, I think it was a bit of both. I think deep down I knew I needed to do something that would challenge me and make me think. Voluntarily Change.
God is so good, because He brought me here to the great state of NC. I am 100% sure of this. I don't even know all of the reasons yet, but I know that deciding to move was the best decision I have made in a long time. I have learned so much about myself in the last month. When I went to my best friend's wedding, my parents and boyfriend were insanely surprised at how different I was. I didn't think I had changed that much in a month, but the more I think about it, the more I see what they were seeing. I am more confident, more sure of myself, more outspoken (mostly in a good way!), more joyful, more enthusiastic about living and loving life. I love my life. I love being me. I love where I am. I love my God who has blessed me so richly. I can honestly say that I have never been this ... content in my life. I know who I am, and my identity is finally grounded in Christ. I am learning about Jesus and the characteristics of my great Creator. Everyday I am at work in the field, I see His handiwork. I look in the mirror and actually like what I see. I know what I want and I go after it. I think that I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be. And though I know I am far from perfect, I am pretty content to walk this path. Striving to become the woman He wants me to be, the woman He created me to be.
I have learned that God has a bigger plan than what I can see. This has been proven to me over and over the last month or so. I am in awe of His sovereignty.
I am so blessed to live with such godly, wonderful, funny people. Kathleen and Keith teach me daily about real love and life and how to deal with different situations. I am so thankful that they have welcomed me into their home.
I am still learning and I have a long way to go. But I am now so excited about where God is leading me and where my life is headed. I am excited to live each day. Each moment teaches me something new. I look forward to seeing His plan unfold! :)