Monday, July 4, 2011

My Positive Relationship with Change

In the past, I have never really been one for change. It scares me and doesn't always motivate me in a good way.       Slowly, however, it seems my past unhealthy relationship with change is turning into a pretty good friendship!  I have thought long and hard about this (I have a lot of free thinking time on my hands.  This job in the corn fields really only requires my hands, not my brain.), and I have come to the conclusion that it all started with the tattoo. I got a tattoo on my foot (It hurt alot! But it is super adorable and says Grace/Psalm 63) the day after my 21st birthday.  From that day on, it seems my life has been different.  It may sound crazy, but I really think it all started then.  I got my tattoo because I wanted to, not as an act of rebellion (which it very easily could have been  a year or so earlier).  It is not something the "old" Anna would have ever done.  I still get the "I can't believe YOU actually got a tattoo" look regularly.  I think it was my first step out of my little box.  Then, I left home and moved far, far away to North Carolina.  At first, I decided to leave to prove myself to others...then it was because I wanted to prove something to myself.  Looking back, I think it was a bit of both.  I think deep down I knew I needed to do something that would challenge me and make me think.  Voluntarily Change.
God is so good, because He brought me here to the great state of NC.  I am 100% sure of this.  I don't even know all of the reasons yet, but I know that deciding to move was the best decision I have made in a long time.  I have learned so much about myself in the last month.  When I went to my best friend's wedding, my parents and boyfriend were insanely surprised at how different I was.  I didn't think I had changed that much in a month, but the more I think about it, the more I see what they were seeing.  I am more confident, more sure of myself, more outspoken (mostly in a good way!), more joyful, more enthusiastic about living and loving life.  I love my life.  I love being me.  I love where I am.  I love my God who has blessed me so richly.  I can honestly say that I have never been this ... content in my life.  I know who I am, and my identity is finally grounded in Christ.  I am learning about Jesus and the characteristics of my great Creator.  Everyday I am at work in the field, I see His handiwork.  I look in the mirror and actually like what I see.  I know what I want and I go after it.  I think that I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be.  And though I know I am far from perfect, I am pretty content to walk this path.  Striving to become the woman He wants me to be, the woman He created me to be.
I have learned that God has a bigger plan than what I can see.  This has been proven to me over and over the last month or so.  I am in awe of His sovereignty.   
I am so blessed to live with such godly, wonderful, funny people.  Kathleen and Keith teach me daily about real love and life and how to deal with different situations.  I am so thankful that they have welcomed me into their home.
I am still learning and I have a long way to go.  But I am now so excited about where God is leading me and where my life is headed.  I am excited to live each day.  Each moment teaches me something new.  I look forward to seeing His plan unfold! :)

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